![]() ![]() Sometimes seeing the flaws in others can be a way to hold up a mirror to see some important things about ourselves that need to change. When you catch a glimpse below the surface of another person’s life it can be shocking and disappointing. We’ve all had experiences of getting close to someone who turned out to be much less ethical or honest than we ever expected. While it is disappointing to find out who is real and who is not - it can also be freeing, because it can remind us that we all have character flaws and personality issues that need to change. ![]() Better to live a life of integrity by being real, than to live a life of secrets and lies that eventually unravel to show selfishness, stubbornness or a prideful arrogance that repels everyone. It takes a lot of energy to cover up the reality of who we really are and after a while it does not work because the lies eventually are exposed as lies. A manipulative person living a life of deception may "get away" with it for a brief period, yet they short-change themselves since the truth of who they are will always be revealed. The deeper you push it down, the more gravity tries to push it to the surface. Think of a big beach-ball being held under the surface of a swimming pool. Someone trying to pretend to be something they are not, by flamboyantly trying to impress others end up spending significant energy protecting their public image. Pushing down emotions, especially those associated with shame-filled secrets will create intense feelings of fear, doubt, confusion, insecurity or selfishness. The part of the iceberg above the surface of the water represents the image we project to others. It’s how we look, what we wear, how we talk, who we associate with and how we live out our daily life in words and actions. Everyone can see our image however, people who feel insecure or afraid of what others think, image becomes a mask to hide behind. This process is called ‘ image management’ because an insecure person will go to considerable lengths to avoid dealing with deeper issues under the surface of their soul. It could be through spending considerable sums of money to buy clothes, jewelry, houses or cars that create the image that a person has it ‘all together’ or it could come out through habitual exercise, beauty enhancement surgery, over-work, over-religious activity or over-compensating in an area of life. ![]() Uncovering the hidden personality issues which lead to painful relationship problems is essential to break the cycle of conflict. To find deeper meaning in your personal life, begin by studying two key factors in this area of personality development: Image and Identity. Stronger self-awareness leads to more responsible choices and healthier relationships. When you understand the Iceberg Personality Principle you can better manage yourself and not overreact with others. Hidden issues and character flaws lead to a habitual pattern of conflict and chaos which can cause relationships to stay in continual turmoil. Every human behavior has an underlying motivation. There are many deeper issues under the surface that need to come to light if you want to grow stronger in maturity and personal character development. It is normal to desire to look good in front of others, but when people mask who they really are it can often lead to high-risk or dangerous behavior. Most of who we really are is covered up and tightly protected from ever being seen by others. 90% of an iceberg is under the water, leaving only a tiny amount exposed above the surface. Like an iceberg, a large portion of personality is hidden from view.
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